“Why do I only attract assholes?” asked my friend Sarah. Now that is a loaded question and frankly I froze on the spot. Still it is likely that some of us can relate to Sarah. In fact I would say a fair amount of us are going through what Sarah is going through right now which is dating a constant stream of “assholes”. Was it her? Or was it them?
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole”
I am not saying Sarah is an asshole but I am saying that Sarah does have the power to change the outcome of her love life.
Firstly, I know Sarah and of the last five guys she has been with, 4 she met at a club. Each of them comes with a similar story. One where they saw each other across the room, shared smiles before he made his way across to speak to her or in the case of the club, yelled into her ear. Each situation was repeated with a story of how good looking the particular individual was.
Perhaps there is some bias on my part but what are the chances of a real relationship developing from a situation of alcohol-fuelled decision making? Now I would urge the reader to avoid cherry-picking friends or marriage candidates at a club as, on average, there are more relationship failures than successes in a those environments.
Secondly, the previous time when I met Sarah when she was attached with her significant other that she had just met the weekend before, we had the following conversation:
"- I only date bad boys.
- What do you mean bad boys.
- You know. Domineering. Aggressive. Loves to party.”
It was like seeing a deer caught into the headlights of incoming traffic, and not being able to do anything about it.
How then do we stop attracting/dating assholes? It might sound cliché but we truly do hold the power here. Cause even if we attract assholes, we don’t have to choose them. We need to begin to understand who we are and want we want. And if we want “bad boys” we need to admit that “assholes” come with the territory and that the “bad boys” are our choices.
One might also choose a different environment to meet people. There are thousands of activities in any city, from hikes to painting classes. Find an activity that allows you time to get to know an individual and through this activity open up your life to new opportunities. Romance and attraction are instant but getting to know an individual takes time and circumstances. An activity allows you to observe how they respond to different situations.
Lastly, provide them with the opportunity to approach you. The truth of the matter is that having the confidence to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation is hard and more so when one person is attracted to the other. Even more so when both sides are aware about one’s interest. So it might take some time for them to approach you. Create opportunities where they might ask you out. Or take the initiative and ask them out yourself.
And if it all comes to naught and you still attract assholes, I guess you can always fall back on the time-tested get-lost answer of “Sorry. I have a boyfriend.”.